Tradition?

November through February is the Holiday Season to me. Friend and family birthdays begin and end with the conventional holidays sandwiched in between.  

Just before Thanksgiving someone asked “what were your family holiday traditions?” After a moment’s thought, I realized we had none. We weren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses, who do not believe in celebrating holidays or birthdays. Ostensibly we did celebrate both public and religious holidays and certainly birthdays. The problem was we just didn’t actually do anything celebratory.

There were birthday gifts but there were gifts at other times. There were holiday presents but those presents were likely to be purchased in your presence and/or distributed at random. Thanksgiving was celebrated, if at all, by dinner at the Country Club. Given my Mother’s notorious cooking skills we were frequent guests at their buffet through the year. Religious Holidays I recall, were occasionally spent at relatives or with the congregation, but usually they were discussed in passing.

At some point in this vacuum, I began to observe and often participate in other people’s traditions. Most of them were not representative of my ethnic group or religious culture. As a result I began to make up my own traditions in keeping with my personal attitudes and reconstructionist theology.

Organized religion seems an oxymoron to me but still celebrate the milestones of my culture. On the day of atonement, I fast and read my prayer book; once while on a camping trip. On Passover my goy Husband officially owns any yeast in the house, while I eschew bread for the 8 days. We usually have a big Seder at which I have often been the sole Jew and my Husband asks the four questions. When my Father was alive, long discussions of numerology often delayed the final meal, but we always consumed the full complement of glasses of wine. When my Daughter was a small child, we began a tradition of candles and exchanging a small present each evening of Chanukah. Coming up with eight small items you have to think. And it truly is the thought that counts.

And my favorite special event  - - Thanksgiving!  Perhaps it is the notion of giving thanks, as I have always felt fortunate. It was at Thanksgiving that we received word that the adoption of our adored Daughter was final; that she was truly and indelibly ours. Or, that it often falls on the Thursday prior to my birthday [everyone is giving thanks for me!] Or maybe I just like an excuse for a big, big dinner party.

For thirty plus years we have lived in and celebrated Thanksgiving at 1311, the house which will shortly be sold. There are pictures of random groups around the Thanksgiving dinner table. Candid shots with the fork half-way to the mouth or the eyes half-closed with laughter. Photos of dear family and friends who are gone and dearly missed, my Mom with her infectious giggle & my Dad in a rare moment, content. I will not miss this house or this city but I will miss those Thanksgivings.

Our Holiday open door policy means there are also photos of those of whom we say, who was that and what ever happened to them?

It was just before Thanksgiving that we received a phone call from a young man who was affiliated with a group called “the World for Free”, a practice now known as couch surfing. He was from Britain wandering through the US and would we put him up for a couple of nights? Ever open to unexpected guests, we said “sure” and introduced him around. He stayed with us over Thanksgiving, then a few days on a friend’s boat and finally with another friend who offered to drive him to his pre-dawn flight.

In the middle of the night his random host experienced terrible pains and could not get out of bed. The only reason he was not alone and isolated was because of his offer to drive the young Englishman to the airport for hiss pre-dawn flight home. His guest hearing the moans of pain checked on his host and called for an ambulance. As the young man flew back to England [someone else drove] our friend was in emergency surgery for a ruptured femoral artery. The Brit never realized that his presence had saved someone’s life.

Perhaps, it is the random moments that give the best reason to give thanks. Certainly, the it is the decision say “yes” and help in random circumstances which is the best tradition to maintain.